Unexplained Infertility

Here's the deal about me...I like things very black and white.  Because of this, I prefer when a problem can be met with a solution.  When things start to dip into "grey" territory, I get uncomfortable.  There's no security in "grey."  I can't feel 100% sure about "grey" like I do with "black and white." 

Oh my, that sounds crazy...which, perhaps is, but work with me here. 

Let me explain...

Recently I had some testing done to see if there was anything physically preventing us from having a baby.  It turns out that I have Stage 1 endometriosis (totally minor), but other than that, I was told that my uterus was "beautiful" with pictures to prove it (thank you doctor of mine).  The black and white of this is that I do have endometriosis, but the grey of it is that this endometriosis is so mild, it may or may not be having any effect at all on my infertility.  In fact, during this whole journey I have responded so well to medication...my hormone levels were great, I had some great looking follicles...the stars were in-line for a perfect little baby to come into this world...then...nothing....and more nothing...and more nothing!  Grrrr!!!

Now, I haven't exactly been told that I have unexplained infertility, but this is my unofficial diagnosis. So you can imagine my frustration with this, seeing as I am a "black and white" kind of girl.  There is no obvious solution because there is no obvious reason.  This is hard for me to grasp because I have ALWAYS been told and taught that there is a reason for everything...that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  Not true with inferility.

I guess my point is this...infertility for me is like swimming in a deep pool of "grey."  This of course scares the crap out of me. But maybe this is an obstacle that I need to overcome in order to move forward in this journey. As a mom, I know there will be plenty times when things won't be so black and white.  Better to embrace the "grey" now and teach my future amazing children that life can be more interesting with a little bit of "grey" in it.